Sauron shows no signs of stopping even as Isengard crumbles. His eyes are on Minis Tirith, the last beacon of hope for Gondor. While Merry and Pippin are reunited with the Fellowship (though not for too long), Frodo and Sam are now right under Sauron’s eye, behind the gates of Mordor. There’s treachery afoot, battles to win, fathers to impress, and cities to conquer. And a king to return.

Will Middle Earth succumb to evil? Will Sam ever see the Shire again? Will Pippin be a fool until he dies?

Will Frodo destroy the ring?

In this Movie List from The Film Magazine, we are counting down the most impactful, hilarious and memorable moments from the gripping conclusion of Peter Jackson’s fantasy saga, for this: the 10 Best The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King Moments.

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10. Mount Doom Erupts

Inside the volcano things aren’t moving fast enough. The ring isn’t melting. Just as it looks like our King will be defeated, Sauron’s tower falls and the eye implodes. The ground surrounding the heroes disintegrates, taking the orcs and trolls with it.

It’s over. They’ve won.

Or have they?

In the seconds after everyone’s elation, Mount Doom explodes. Everyone looks crestfallen as Sam and Frodo are still up there. This device has been used before with Gandalf and the Balrog, Aragorn and the warg. For a second, this feels different. There is a moment when we truly believe that Sam and Frodo made the ultimate sacrifice.

Recommended for you: 10 Best Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers Moments

9. Merry and Pippin Lead the Charge

Vastly outnumbered, Aragorn and his followers head to the black gate to draw Sauron’s eye while Sam and Frodo make the final leg of their journey into Mount Doom. Aragorn’s “not this day” speech is stirring and emotional. This is it. It’s now or never.

“For Frodo!” Is the battle cry.

And, in an army of a thousand experienced soldiers, it is Merry and Pippin who run first. They’ve come so far from the firework stealing miscreants of the first film. They are warriors as brave as any man or elf.

Middle parts of trilogies are often the worst. They have to do so much bridging and they don’t get the satisfaction of story arc conclusions as they are too busy setting up what comes next instead.

The Two Towers does not fall prey to this. It is as exciting as the first film, while having the luxury of our investment. Everyone cares very deeply about what happens to what remains of the Fellowship. A host of new characters are introduced as the battle for Middle Earth continues, the most significant being the people of Rohan. And an extra woman, Éowyn (Miranda Otto), to boot.

The Two Towers is filled with lengthy battles, death and despair, and yet it still manages to be warm-hearted, full of humour and hopeful.

In this Movie List from The Film Magazine, we are counting down the most impactful, hilarious and memorable moments from Peter Jackson’s timeless epic, for this: the 10 Best The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers Moments.

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10. The Nazgûl

The Wraiths were scary enough in The Fellowship of the Ring, but in The Two Towers they’ve been promoted. Now referred to as Nazgûl, which feels more sinister, and on the backs of great dragons, these agents of Sauron really are a force to be reckoned with.

The screeching, sniffing presence of them over the Dead Marshes as Sam and Frodo cower is the taster, but as their giant wingspans cast a shadow over the city of Osgiliath they truly are a sight to behold.

Recommended for you: 10 Best The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring Moments

9. The Uruk-hais March

The Two Towers is a film with many battles, and obviously we are rooting for the good guys, but the final march of the Uruk-hais as they approach Helm’s Deep is nothing short of majestic.

Thousands upon thousands of them marching in time, lit by flickering torches, metal clanging and roaring like lions. They have no morals and no fear. The juxtaposition between them and the rag-tag army Aragorn has managed to gather does an excellent job of building tension.  

Middle Earth is under threat as Sauron, a great malevolent force, is gathering power. The lands of men, elves, wizards, and dwarfs have lived for hundreds of years believing the great evil had been vanquished. Wowzers, were they wrong.

It’s all down to the hobbits – long-living, hairy-footed, ale-swigging, home-comfort-loving people about the size of a human child – to fix it. Turns out Bilbo Baggins (Ian Holm) has been in procession of a very precious, very dangerous artifact since his exploits in “The Hobbit” 70 years prior.

The task to return the ring is placed in the tiny hands of his nephew, Frodo Baggins (Elijah Wood). It’s all fine though, because Gandalf (Ian McKellen) has arranged for a band of warriors, a fellowship if you will, to help him on this perilous journey.

The Fellowship of the Ring thrust director Peter Jackson and its cast members into the stratosphere of fame. While some depictions may be considered problematic by today’s standards, and Lord of the Rings certainly isn’t passing any Bechdel test, the classic struggle of good versus evil means it remains popular over twenty years later.

In this Movie List from The Film Magazine, we are counting down the most impactful, hilarious and memorable moments from Peter Jackson’s timeless epic, for this: the 10 Best Lord of The Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring Moments.

Follow @thefilmagazine on X (Twitter).

10. Gardening

The scene has been set, the Hobbits introduced, and Frodo (Elijah Wood) has begrudgingly accepted his mission. While Gandalf (Ian McKellen) is asserting the grave danger the young hobbit will face, he hears a crack outside. An eavesdropper? A spy from the very depths of Mordor? Or perhaps, just a gardener? Gandalf lunges with his staff, and pulls out of the perennials, Samwise Gamgee (Sean Austin).

This is a great introduction to Sam as it shows his cheek, tenacity, and loyalty.

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9. The Ringwraiths Attack

Tolkien built a very serious world with realms of peril and intense men conversing. Peter Jackson’s rendering of this world adds a much-needed dose of humour. The Fellowship of the Ring is not afraid to poke fun at itself a little bit.

The Ringwraiths are a terrifying sight (and sound). These are the creatures that all of Middle Earth is afraid of. The wraiths with their metal hands and black cloaks attacking pillows hidden beneath the bedspreads in the Prancing Pony is a scooby-doo-esque flash of comedy.

It seems Joel never had any other plans than film. As a youngster, he saved up for a Super 8 so that he and Ethan could remake the films they enjoyed on the television. Joel went on to study film at university, while Ethan’s path was slightly less direct, choosing a Philosophy degree instead. This combination goes some way to explaining the philosophical ponderings that pepper the brother’s films.

The stories the Coens concoct are convoluted, with a whole host of unusual and memorable characters. Like many famous directors, they have a regular cohort of actors – Frances McDormand, George Clooney, Tim Blake Nelson, and Josh Brolin all have more than one Coen Brothers film under their belt.

The brothers’ body of work is so varied it’s hard to offer suggestions for similar directors. Their comedies could be likened to Wes Anderson or Martin McDonagh, their historical sagas could be by Paul Thomas Anderson, and their deft handling of the crime genre could see them listed among the greats. The fact that they are able to jump so effectively from genre to genre has increased their chances of being both commercially and critically successful. Having broken down the Coen’s vast and varied filmography, here is The Film Magazine’s guide on Where to Start With The Coen Brothers.

1. Fargo (1996)

Fargo Review

Fargo is frequently listed as the best Coen Brothers film, so it is an extremely good place to start.

The film’s focus is on Jerry Lundegaard (William H Macy), a car salesman whose bad decisions drive the plot. It’s easy to think because Jerry is the protagonist, he is the good guy, but Jerry should go down in history as one of cinema’s greatest villains.

Fargo concentrates on greed and want as Jerry’s deep dissatisfaction with his lot is punished. Crime and punishment is a theme that the Coen Brothers will return to in their subsequent films, continuing their years’ long love affair with the crime genre.

Part of the Coen’s strength is their ability to make their characters’ stupidity believable. Gallows humour takes hold as desperation drives Jerry, but there is nothing cartoonish here. While it may be ridiculous, Jerry’s actions are nothing but sinister.

Frances McDormand’s incredible Oscar-winning portrayal of Marge Gunderson, the chipper police chief investigating the kidnap of Jerry’s wife, allows for the themes of power and order to be explored.

2. No Country for Old Men (2007)

No Country for Old Men is an adaptation of Cormac McCarthy’s novel of the same name. It is one of those rare films with the accolade of being better than the book it’s based on.

Set in Texas, the Coen brothers – back working with Fargo’s cinematographer Roger Deakins – return to a similarly bleak and expansive landscape. Here, they replace the ice and snow of Fargo with wide open skies, shifting sand and disorientating heat shimmers.

Llewelyn Moss (Josh Brolin) is a working class man who discovers a large amount of money in the desert. Javier Bardem earned an Oscar as the deranged Anton Chigurh, a hitman in pursuit of the money. Tommy Lee Jones is outstanding as Sheriff Bell trying to untangle the webs the other two men are creating.

All those themes commonly associated with a Coen Brothers movie come into play; power, borders, transience, duality, chaos, inevitability and greed. Unlike in Fargo, the protagonist Llewelyn is not a villain, even if some of his decisions are terrible. Llewelyn doesn’t need to be a villain, with Anton doing such a good job.

No Country for Old Men steps away from the Coen Brothers’ darkly humorous style and is a much more serious endeavour. It still blurs genres though. Is it a Western? A Crime-noir? A literary look into the plight of working-class men in landscapes not built for them? Or all of the above?

3. Hail, Caesar! (2016)

Hail, Caesar! was not so critically revered as Fargo and No Country for Old Men, and it did not smash the box office in quite the same way. However, it was far from a flop and arguably underrated. Hail, Caesar! is an accessible, less challengingly funny gateway into what the Coens have to offer. It still utilises their trademark ability to take a million seemingly unrelated tangents and weave them expertly together, but lacks some of the darker themes that may have put some viewers off delving into their more serious work.

Like Fargo, Hail, Caesar! began with a kernel of truth. It is a fictional tale about the real Hollywood fixer, Eddie Mannix (Josh Brolin). A fixer was someone hired by movie studios to cover up scandals their actors could not help but embroil themselves in. Like when unmarried actresses get pregnant (this is the 50s remember).

When the studio’s star, Baird Whitlock (George Clooney) is drugged and kidnapped during the filming of the eponymous Roman epic, ‘Hail Caesar’, it is up to Eddie to fix it. While many of the Coen’s films are bleak or bittersweet, there is always a seed of hope planted. Hail, Caesar! is the opposite, a hopeful comedy with a seed of something more ominous lurking just off the screen.

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The interesting thing about the Coen Brothers’ work is that it is not confined by genre. Their projects include book adaptations, historical sagas, crime noirs, romantic comedies, and westerns. From The Big Lebowski (1998) to Intolerable Cruelty (2003), there is something for everyone.

As eclectic as their stories seem to be, there are recurrent themes woven throughout their work. One common theme that spans their films is Americanness, often looked at through a filter of quirk and marginalisation. The portrayal of working-class men also plays a huge role (much more than women), as does power and morality. Their ability to find dark humour in the gloomiest of settings also sets them apart from their peers.

Frozen (2013)
Directors: Chris Buck, Jennifer Lee
Screenwriter: Jennifer Lee
Starring: Kristen Bell, Idina Menzel, Jonathan Groff, Josh Gad, Santino Fontana, Alan Tudyk

A frozen tundra reveals itself under a dramatic score inspired by Sámi-style singing. A world of jagged ice and frost sparkles under the Aurora Borealis. This is a world of magic, made apparent immediately by the children playing. A young princess, Elsa (Eva Bella) can wield snow from her fingertips. Her non-magical sister only sees the joy in this – gone are the themes of female jealousy that were once a Disney mainstay.

But the joy turns sour as Elsa strikes Anna (Livvy Stubenrauch) with an errant ice surge. Once the kingdom’s magical trolls are consulted and Anna is saved, it is decided that the only thing to do is wipe Anna’s memory and hide Elsa’s gift. Elsa is forced into a life of isolation, concealing her true power. After her parent’s death Anna also becomes subjected to this lonely way of living.

Now Spring, Anna (Kristen Bell) and Elsa (Idina Menzel) are grown. They wake equally giddy and nervous that it is coronation day, and their secretive castle has to open its gates to present its new ruler, Queen Elsa (Idina Menzel), to the surrounding kingdoms. Two young women without a King around should be easy to take advantage of. Many dignitaries seem to think so anyway.

The stress of the evening affects the sisters in quite different ways. Princess Anna (Kristen Bell) falls head over heels in love with Prince Hans (Santino Fontana), and Elsa (Idina Menzel) goes on an ice spewing rampage, buries Arundel in a thick blanket of snow, and runs into the forest without a coat. Though, rumour is, the cold doesn’t bother her anyway.

Anna (Kristen Bell) entrusts the kingdom to Hans (Santino Fontana) as she strides out into the snow drifts to search for her sister. A chance meeting with ice merchant, Kristoff (Jonathan Groff) changes the course of her journey and of her life.

Remarkably, Frozen (2013) was the first Disney film to be directed by a woman. Jennifer Lee wrote the screenplay and joint-directed (alongside Chris Buck) both Frozen and Frozen II. These films made her the first woman to direct a film that made over $1billion. And Frozen attracted awards like moss on a rock troll’s behind.

Wreck-It Ralph (2012) was Lee’s first screenplay, and was a very clear indicator of Lee’s ability to write Disney princesses with a difference. Vanelope is more like Elsa than most other Disney princesses before her. Both have a potentially dangerous trait that threatens those they love, both need to accept themselves and embrace their power. Both choose to live alone in a castle of their own design.

There is no doubt that Frozen has been an unmitigated success. In fact, the only animated Disney film to beat it at the box office is its own sequel. The franchise has spawned short films, a mini LEGO series, more merchandise than anyone thought possible, a West End Show, and a critically acclaimed sequel (which is arguably better). Frozen became a Disney classic overnight, and it remains as popular as it ever was.

There are many reasons why Frozen appeals to audiences so much. Obviously, beautiful animation, humorous animal (or non-human) sidekicks, adult jokes flying over kids’ heads, and belting tunes are all to be expected of a Disney endeavour. But there is something about Frozen that gives it an edge over its Disney counterparts and has given it this remarkable staying power.

Perhaps it was the decision to have two female protagonists? The traditional fairy tales of yesteryear with damsels in distress are out of vogue. Yes there is distress in Frozen, but these damsels are going to sort it out by themselves. The non-prince charming, Kristoff (Jonathan Groff) is a hugely likeable love interest, but he is not there to fix Anna’s (Kristen Bell) problems, and no one but Anna can save Elsa (Idina Menzel).

By having two female protagonists, Disney have allowed the more traditionally klutzy, hopeful romantic Anna to tick the boxes for fans nostalgic of the golden era. While Elsa is aromantic, empowered, a warrior. She just has to learn to love and trust. By splintering the facets of a traditional Disney princess, the creative team managed to create something with a wider appeal.

Disney has always been divided into two distinct categories: princess stories marketed at girls, and non-human (cars, toys, animals, elements) stories marketed at both girls and boys. Even with the more modern attitudes of audiences today this hasn’t really changed. If you look at it cynically, girls can be expected to enjoy stories with boys in while boys are not expected to enjoy the stories of girls. While the leads are women in Frozen, there is a strong supporting cast of male characters. Roguish Kristoff, reindeer Sven and magical snowman Olaf (Josh Gad – a man whose expressive and distinctive voice was made for animation) add humour and allow the film to be marketed at both boys and girls. There are monsters, wolves and bogey jokes aplenty for those who are less interested in love and all that mushy stuff.

Another strength of the film is the moving part of the villain. Up to the high note of “Let it Go”, we would be forgiven for thinking perhaps Elsa is the baddie. She doesn’t let Anna live her life, curses a kingdom to freeze to death, and sculpts ice weapons with a glint in her eye. The twist in Frozen, as the audience realises where the real threat lies, is up there with The Sixth Sense or The Usual Suspects. Nearly.

The past decade has seen Disney (and Disney Pixar) films shift to reflect the more progressive tastes of its audiences. Big Hero Six (2014), Inside Out (2015), Moana (2016), Luca (2021), Encanto (2021), and Turning Red (2022) are all coming-of-age stories that explore complex themes of grief, self-worth, difference, and acceptance, with barely a whisper of a love interest among them. While huge successes, none of them have managed the dizzying heights of Elsa’s success. But it is a fair suggestion that Elsa paved the way for these films of empowerment and learning to love yourself.

Frozen is a universal film with themes that are far reaching and enduring. Elsa shot to the top spot, and no matter what she says, she’s showing no signs of letting it go.

Score: 20/24

Dashing Through the Snow (2023)
Director: Tim Story
Screenwriters: Paula Pell, Scott Rosenberg
Starring: Chris ‘Ludacris’ Bridges, Madison Skye Validum, Teyonah Parris, Mary Lynn Rajskub, Lil Rey Howery, Oscar Nuñez

The majority of Christmas movies for kids follow a similar pattern: a jaded grown up is sick to their back teeth with the festive season, and they are completely unwilling to suck it up for their child’s benefit (you know, like millions of the globe’s parents have to do each year), that it takes a Christmas miracle to restore their faith.  

If Santa can fix a failing marriage too, then every Hallmark box has been ticked.

Eddie (Chris ‘Ludacris’ Bridges) is one such jaded adult, living alone while he and his wife (Teyonah Parris) go through therapy. He hates the holidays, claiming carol singers sound like wounded ducks, and he is happy to work through it to avoid any festivity. His daughter, Charlotte (Madison Skye Validum) is the exact opposite. She lives for Christmas and all the traditions that go with it. She wears red and green just in case her dad decides to take her somewhere nice this Christmas Eve.

Allison (Teyonah Parris) has some last-minute shopping to do so Charlotte is with grumpy dad who has an unusual Christmas off from work. After a pretty joyless dinner with nary a paper hat to be found, Eddie announces he needs to feed the neighbour’s cat. When looking for Pudding Foots, Eddie doesn’t find her (nor does he put any food out). What he does find is a man stuck in the chimney. Eddie is a social worker with the Atlanta police, his job is working with people who’ve fallen through the cracks and need a bit of help. This Nick Sinter-Claus (Lil Rey Howery) obviously needs it, the dude thinks he’s Santa! With Charlotte in tow, Eddie flips back into work mode to get Nick the help he needs.

On their way to the police station, Eddie realises they’re being followed. The disjointed style of storytelling means we haven’t been told why they are being followed, and won’t be told for another third of the film. But these goons are hellbent on taking Nick down.

In a lot of ways, Dashing Through the Snow is exactly what you would expect from a Christmas film. It is a short 90 minutes, features garish set designs, glimmer and shine, there’s a musical number, and there’s a boxing reindeer. However, it falls short…

The dreaded product placement logo as the opening credits roll prepares you for any awkward scenes of close-up iPad wiggling. Because that is what this film is about: an iPad. Why Santa can be seen on this night as opposed to any other is not explained. It barely snows and it’s not so much of a dash as a bumble around downtown Atlanta. Its strong cast are phoning it in. Mary Lynn Rajskub is woefully underutilised. She is a comic heavyweight and does little beyond gurn. While it seems Teyonah Parris’s soul purpose was to over-pronounce peppermintinis and go shopping. Lil Rey Howery’s Santa is given so many gags that when he does try to speak earnestly it seems insincere.

Oscar Nuñez is believable as corrupt politician Harf, but his storyline is completely two-dimensional. Chris ‘Ludacris’ Bridges is the star on top of the Christmas tree here; Eddie is likable and says the few genuinely funny lines in the film, but he doesn’t shine quite bright enough to save the venture.

Perhaps expectations were too high for Dashing Through the Snow – the back catalogue of the writers include an eclectic contribution to entertainment: ‘Saturday Night Live’, Con Air (1997), High Fidelity (2000), and the Jumanji reboots (2017, 2019) to name a few. All of which are highly popular and lucrative. It’s fair to say that people have lower expectations of Christmas movies. Schlock isn’t only accepted, it’s actively pursued. Tis the season for guilty pleasures and vegging out after all. It is a shame though, because with such talent behind the scenes it feels like Dashing Through the Snow could have been a good film, rather than a mediocre one.

Dashing Through the Snow has its moments but is ultimately a story about an iPad. It isn’t funny enough, and the story isn’t strong enough. Lil Rey Howery demanding cookies and farting cinnamon for 90 minutes might cut it for one watch, but it doesn’t feel like a new Christmas classic has made its way onto our screens. Ludacris earnestly saying things like ‘I believe in baby carrots and red potatoes. With the skin on’ is not going to be this year’s ‘yippee ka-yay.’

Score: 14/24

Chris Washington (Daniel Kaluuya) and Rose Armitage (Allison Williams) are a couple readying themselves for a big step, meeting the parents. The Armitages are a wealthy white family who live out in rural New York. Rose assures Chris that they won’t see his race, let alone be bothered by it. Chris is immediately unsettled by the atmosphere in the home.

Whilst not filled with jump scares and bloody gore, Get Out (2017) is a certifiable horror. As the tension rises, we are asked to face some blunt racism, Peele raising questions about what is satirical and what is sadly not. It’s scary enough without blood packs and a screeching score.

In this Movie List from The Film Magazine, we are counting down the most impactful and memorable moments from Jordan Peele’s unforgettable debut, for this: the 10 Best Get Out Moments.

Follow @thefilmagazine on X (Twitter).

10. Consider This Shit Motherfucking Handled

Daniel Kaluuya’s acting is incredible and visceral as he sinks into the comfort of his friend’s car, safe after his ordeal.

Rod (Lil Rel Howery) is the injection of humour that Get Out needs and benefits from so we are expected to laugh as he proudly announces, “consider this shit motherfucking handled.”

But there’s a bitter aftertaste, because that’s the real horror story, isn’t it? The rousing theme song builds, and we are left with the eerie feeling that this shit might never be handled.

9. You Know I Can’t Give You the Keys Right, Babe?

The climax is near, the heart is pumping. Chris (Daniel Kaluuya) and Rose (Allison Williams) need to leave the house. Immediately. We have suspected for a while that Rose might have more to do with the happenings in the house than she is letting on. Chris suspects it too, but can’t let her know that while she holds the car keys.

Allison Williams’ teary eyes hardening to flint as she says “you know I can’t give you the keys right, babe” is the final nail in the coffin of her being a goodie. Williams’ emotionless face becomes one of the most terrifying aspects of the film.

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That seemed to be the only story on offer.

Your goodies were good, and your baddies were downright evil, there was no context or grey areas. Female jealousy seemed to be enough to turn a queen into a witch. The villains in early Disney were quite often women. Jealous and catty, sure, but so powerful. Rich and assured of themselves. What a great aspiration for the young girls of the 40s and 50s. Their employment opportunities were terrible, but they felt confident they could rock a cape and pair of horns.

Nowadays, the offerings from Disney are more progressive, and much more representative. Encanto (2021), Luca (2021), Strange World (2022) and Turning Red (2022) certainly explored complex and diverse storylines and characters, especially when compared to the studio’s earlier offerings. And while modern Disney princesses are still often found in ballgowns, young audiences are well-accustomed to them being adorned with weaponry as well.

So, what does a child with a decidedly modern palate make of Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs (1937), Cinderella (1950) and Sleeping Beauty (1959)? While they continue to be favourites for many Disney fans, it is easy to argue that there isn’t much about them for a feminist… or a nine-year-old who’s being raised by a feminist (let’s call her E).

Up until this point, E hasn’t seen these particular films because there just seemed a bit too much cleaning up after men, falling head over heels with them before anyone’s got to know anyone properly, and getting kissed while unable to give consent for it, to be a suitable tale for a 21^st Century lass.

Will the films prove E’s mother wrong? Or will they be the heteronormative, stereotype-riddled dinosaurs she suspects them to be? Will E be swept along by the romance of it all and demand to watch on repeat forever more?

Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs (1937)

Snow White and Seven Dwarfs Review

When Disney released Snow White in 1937, it became an instant classic, and to this day it remains critically acclaimed and revered as one of the greatest animated films of all time. Snow White became lore and left ripples of influence through every Disney film that followed.

‘You can tell that’s drawn,’ was the first thing E had to say about Snow White (1937). This is actually a selling point of the movie, the incredible feat of the animators who crafted each image (up to twenty-four for every second of film) and created that beautiful, dreamlike effect. But for a kid whose first Disney experience at the cinema was Inside Out (2015), Snow White might as well be carved in stone.

The second thing the modern miss could not get her head around was the clipped affected tones of a 1930s Hollywood starlet. In fact, the story of Adriana Caselotti’s employment is particularly unfeminist too. Disney blocked her from other voice work so not to disrupt the illusion of Snow White. E struggled so much with the willowy wisp of her voice that subtitles had to be employed. The explanation that some women used to make themselves sound like that to be more appealing just didn’t compute.

‘But why?’

One extremely troublesome line in the film is ‘I’m so ashamed of the fuss I’ve made.’ This is uttered immediately after someone our heroine trusted has attempted to murder her. Fortunately, E was still so concerned about the voice that she hadn’t quite focused in on what was being said yet. It is hard to imagine Esmeralda or Anna saying anything quite as timid.

Snow White is at least proportionately realistic for a thirteen-year-old girl, which in a world of Barbies, Auroras, Belles and Elsas, is definitely worth something. Snow’s sensible eyes should get a mention here too, something the later princesses lack. It’s a wonder that Rapunzel can keep her head up, quite frankly.

In films that followed after, the magic of true love’s kiss is acknowledged, it’s mentioned, it’s prescribed. Because Snow White was the first, that means that Prince Charming, apropos of nothing, went out for a stroll and snogged a girl he thought was dead. How romantic.

Because E has seen those subsequent films, she knows that true love’s kiss will wake you from a poison apple coma (duh), so she wasn’t too perturbed by the notion of the prince kissing Snow. Her mother still doesn’t like it though.

The thing that struck E was that there were lots of boys in it, ‘even though it’s for girls.’ She has obviously never been told that Snow White is for girls, but she has been in Primark, she knows the boy section doesn’t have hoodies with Snow White, Cinderella or Sleeping Beauty on them, so she knows it’s not for them…

Cinderella (1950)

Cinderella (1950) is another film where the leading lady falls head over implausibly-tiny-heels in love with her guy within moments of meeting him. But at least she speaks to him before he shoves his tongue down her throat. To be fair, he seems equally besotted.

Cinderella is far sassier than Snow White, but does the film fare any better under the watchful eye of E and her reluctant mother?

While Cinderella is vocal about her unhappiness, she is entirely dependent on whether the men in her life can rescue her. Whether that’s a prince, a mouse or a dog. Cinderella has little autonomy besides deciding whether to change Anastasia’s sheets before Drizella’s, or not. But that is something.

Actually, E didn’t really see the sexist stereotypes at play in Cinderella (1950). Maybe this is because she has been raised in a house that constantly refutes them, or simply because she has had the choice to see Disney women lead armies across China, fight ice monsters, choose not to marry, or break family curses through sheer stubbornness. Watching a woman in a domestic role is a rarity for her, so it literally can’t be a stereotype.

She didn’t see the mouse saying ‘leave the sewing for the women’ as problematic, only that those women must be better at sewing than those particular men. Her mother felt Gus Gus could probably have had a crack at it – he would’ve probably still been better than Flora, Fauna or Merryweather.

Sleeping Beauty (1959)

In one of the earlier text versions of Sleeping Beauty, the young woman is actually woken by her baby breastfeeding. Her second baby born since she’d been put to sleep by the curse. While the Disney version of Sleeping Beauty (1959) does have a more PG wake up routine, there is still a palpable lack of consent (unless betrothal counts?). Like Cinderella, at least Aurora had met and spoken briefly to Philip before deciding that he was the one for her. And unlike Snow White’s Charming, Philip is told explicitly that his kiss will wake the princess and restore the kingdom. Slightly less gross. Also, pressure.

E found Sleeping Beauty (1959) ‘a bit too lovey’ and ‘quite boring.’ For children used to ‘Minecraft’ Creepers, and those mind-bending goggles from Incredibles II, Maleficent’s raven doesn’t quite bring the chills it might have done in the sixties. If the main peril doesn’t feel perilous, and the main thing driving the protagonist (falling in love) isn’t exciting enough, then the film is going to fall flat.

On the face of it, Sleeping Beauty (1959), has more to offer. Dragons, sword fights and sarcastic fairies. But, of the three films, Aurora has the least autonomy. Yes, Snow’s choices were bad – never take apples from obviously evil crones in the woods – but they were her own. Whereas Aurora doesn’t decide to be cursed, she doesn’t decide to leave her family home and bunk in the woods for 16 years, she doesn’t decide to prick her finger on a spindle, and she doesn’t even get to decide when she wakes up. The one thing she does decide is that she is madly in love with the first man she ever meets. A 2D character in every sense of the word.

Sleeping Beauty also seems to be the turning point for the animators’ choice to make these teenaged princesses figures hourglass and unattainable. True, Cinders looks smashing in her gown but looks slightly more realistic in her brown smock. Aurora’s forest garb seems to include a corset.

But why?

There is something almost pure about watching early Disney, when the films were the focus. The stories were the only thing on offer. Watching these three films with a modern child was interesting, not that E had particularly nuanced wisdom to share but because they really proved how far Disney has come. E has no interest in watching Snow White or Sleeping Beauty ever again (a damning review), which suggests that they don’t offer what a growing girl needs. It might also suggest that her mother was vindicated in thinking these films were unsuitable.

Nowadays, it’s harder to separate out Disney films from the commercialism that comes with them. Is another Toy Story needed, or is it just an excuse to sell toys? But given that children have got content coming at them from so many sources, the films the studio produces have to be incredible. They have to be capable of grabbing attention that is pulled in many directions. Even with awkward product placement and exorbitant park prices, the stories have developed and continued to be a spectacle (Planes: Fire & Rescue (2014), aside). Not only do the films have to be engaging, they have to be engaged. Modern films have to reflect modern appetites and sentiments.

It’s always good to acknowledge what came before. Cinderella waltzed so that Merida could run. Kids learning to love Disney films today get to access worlds with stories that stretch far beyond romantic love and castles. And that can only be a good thing. Much to E’s mother’s chagrin, Snow White, Cinderella and Aurora will never be fully obsolete. Nostalgia will keep them alive for generations to come. Just perhaps not in E’s house.

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Haunted Mansion (2023)
Director: Justin Simien
Screenwriter: Katie Dippold
Starring: LaKeith Stanfield, Rosario Dawson, Chase Dillon, Owen Wilson, Tiffany Haddish, Danny DeVito, Jared Leto

Ben (LaKieth Stanfield) is grieving, angry, lonely, and a cynic. A once-upon-a-time astrophysicist, who now runs lacklustre ghost tours in honour of his dead wife. So far, so haunted.

Gabbie (Rosario Dawson) and her son Travis (Chase Dillon) have just moved to the area. Unfortunately, the mansion (they can inexplicably afford as a jobless single-parent family) they’ve bought is plagued with furious ghosts hellbent on making their lives extremely difficult.

They call on Father Kent (Owen Wilson), a preacher who performs exorcisms as a side-hustle. When that fails, he summons a crack team led by Ben (LaKeith Stanfield), who in his astrophysicist days happened to invent a camera lens that can capture the image of ghosts… not that he believes in ghosts of course. Joining them are elaborately costumed medium Harriet (Tiffany Haddish) and local historian Bruce Davis (Danny DeVito). The premise is that they are an unlikely hexad of ghost hunters, though audiences have seen this combination – young, old, gung-ho, disbelieving, quirky, and straight-laced – so often that it is old hat.

What follows, is a loosely strung together plot of six hapless heroes taking on a dark spirit (Jared Leto), who is conveniently only one soul away from causing havoc among the mortal realm for all eternity.

It seems pertinent then that Bruce (Danny DeVito) is having heart surgery next week, Ben (LaKeith Stanfield) is intent on drinking himself into oblivion, Harriet (Tiffany Haddish) is ostracised and disbelieved, and Travis (Chase Dillon) is getting bullied at school. So many miserable souls ripe for the picking.

In an unusual move for a kid’s film, Travis (Chase Dillon) is not the hero. He needs rescuing. And Ben (LaKeith Stanfield) is the protagonist. It’s hard to fully decipher who this film is pitched at – the acting and jokes would suggest someone younger than the age rating allows for, while the existential dread, threat of eternal damnation, decapitations and suicides would suggest someone considerably older.

Haunted Mansion (2023) is not high art, and obviously was not intended to be a serious film, and with an age rating of 12 it is obviously not supposed to be a serious horror either. So, what is it? It isn’t scary, isn’t particularly funny, and isn’t drama…

Writer, Katie Dippold, is a dab hand at ghost stories, having penned the 2016 remake of Ghostbusters, and comedy, being one of the creative geniuses behind ‘Parks and Recreation’. Even her expertise couldn’t save this obviously write-by-numbers affair.

It is a great cast. Danny DeVito (Matilda), Jamie Leigh Curtis (Freaky Friday) and Tiffany Haddish (The Secret Life of Pets 2) are all veterans of well-remembered children’s films. LaKeith Stanfield has made a name for himself in some of the most exciting and critically acclaimed film and television to have come out in the last five years (Get Out, Judas and the Black Messiah). Rosario Dawson cuts her teeth on these sorts of campy action films all the time, and this is not Owen Wilson’s first dalliance with a haunted house. It should work.

Unfortunately, it doesn’t.

The brilliant cast and creative team ensure the film promises a lot, but the pay off isn’t there. The plot is disjointed, almost like it’s a rehash of a twenty-year-old film that was originally based on a fairground ride. It could almost be argued that this 2023 incarnation is completely unnecessary.

The twists can be seen coming a mile off, and the special effects are a bit cartoony. The product placements are jarring and further proof that this was more a cash-in project than a passion project. Yankee Candle, anyone?

It isn’t hard to see Haunted Mansion (2023) falling into the same category as Hocus Pocus 2 (2022), the recent Addams Family remake (2019), and Hotel Transylvania 3 (2018). Seasonal family films to consider once Casper (1995), Corpse Bride (2005), Hocus Pocus (1993) and Frankenweenie (2012) have already been watched.

It is just very hard to imagine it becoming a firm family favourite.

Score: 15/24

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10. Safety Not Guaranteed (2012)

Starring the incredible Aubrey Plaza, and loveable goofs Mark Duplass and Jake Johnson, Safety Not Guaranteed is a heart-warming time travel jape. While it has big names attached – including director Colin Trevorrow, who went on to steer the wheel of the Jurassic World franchise, it has a real indie charm.

It begins with an intriguing want-ad in a local Washington newspaper. Jeff (Jake Johnson), a journalist at a different paper, assembles a motley crew to investigate. While everything is set up for us to believe Kenneth (Mark Duplass) is a weirdo, and delusional at the very least, he isn’t and the film’s beauty lies in how deftly it draws the viewer to his side.

It has heart, humour and Jake Johnson. I’m not sure you need much else in a film.

9. Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse (2018)

Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse Review

As a rule, I don’t do superheroes. DC, Marvel, I don’t really care, they’re all the same, aren’t they?

I grew up in a strange era where Val Kilmer was Batman and Lois Lane was a Desperate Housewife and the genre just never really hooked me. Then along came Miles Morales and I fell hard. Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse is a visually stunning and standout offering in (what I and seemingly I alone feel is) a saturated market.

The Spider-verse animation is just incredible – unusual and unique. The film is brimming with detail and flashes of brilliance. I could watch it 100 times (100 more times) and notice something new with each viewing. The characters are larger than life yet somehow completely grounded and believable, and who knew the match up of Nicholas Cage and John Mulaney is what we needed in our lives? The soundtrack is perfect and the message behind it is so important.

The first time my kid saw it, she said, ‘oh so I could be spiderman’ and for that reason alone it deserves a mention in my Best Films of All Time.

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