The ‘Halloween’ Franchise Ranked
11. Rob Zombie’s Halloween II (2009)
Following up on Rob Zombie’s remake (or re-imagining) of the original film, Zombie uses the original sequel to provide a nightmare sequence to open the film, before going off his own new direction. Myers’ body went missing two years before, Dr. Loomis has a new book out that is milking Myers for every cent possible, and Laurie keeps getting visions of Michael returning to Haddonfield.
The main trouble with this film is that it’s just badly directed. As many people have noted, Zombie is great with visuals, but he can’t direct dialogue for love nor money. Some of the shots in this movie, such as Sheri-Moon Zombie’s ghost approaching the farm house in the moonlight, are beautiful. Unfortunately, beautiful cinematography doesn’t make up for the movie itself.
The action sequences are shaky and Michael’s visions of his mother are ridiculous; and he doesn’t even wear his mask half of the time, which goes against everything Michael Myers stands for. The script turns Laurie into being a whining, average slasher chick you don’t care about, and Dr. Loomis is transformed into an egotistical writer that doesn’t care about anyone except himself. As a fan-film, this might have been seen as competent, but as a high-budget movie from someone that has got directing clout, it fails on every conceivable level.
10) Halloween Kills (2021)
Oh, what went wrong? The most recent entry into the Halloween franchise slots into this list at number 10.
This unadventurous sequel to the 2018 film sees Laurie in hospital, recovering from the aftermath of the previous film’s nightmare. Michael escapes the inferno which Laurie trapped him in, and he embarks on a boring and endless rampage through Haddonfield.
In Scream 2, Randy says that the rules for a horror movie sequel are that: 1) the body count has to be bigger, and 2) more blood, more gore. If those were the only things needed for a sequel, then we would say ‘Well played Halloween Kills, you’ve knocked it out of the park.’ But as we all know, you need more than that to make a good film, and Kills seems to have forgotten all the rules of good filmmaking and good storytelling.
It lumbers from one violent murder to the next, forgoing plot and sense and reason for fake thrills with no build-up, thought, or effort. Past characters are brought in seemingly purely for fan service reasons, a storyline about paranoia and fear is attempted but is ridiculously far removed from the killings taking place, and the ending is possibly the worst of the franchise. Halloween Kills deserves never to be seen again.
Recommended for you: Scream Movies Ranked
9. Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers (1989)
Halloween 4, 5, and 6, can almost be grouped into a little category of their own, being one path of sequels from the first two movies. In this movie, after Jamie’s possession at the end of Halloween 4, she has developed a psychic link with Michael Myers who has managed to survive the mine shaft and is returning to hunt down his surviving family. Alongside this it introduces the mark of the cult that will come to dominate the following film.
One of the many things this film suffers from is that it doesn’t seem to know what it’s doing. It doesn’t know if Jamie, Loomis or the new group of teenage girls are the main character(s), it doesn’t know how far to introduce the Curse of Thorn, it doesn’t know if it’s finally killing off Michael Myers for good. Added to that, the mask is the worst mask in the entire franchise. It’s too flimsy and the eye-sockets are too wide and astonished, and the blank but grim expression of Myers is lost in an almost comical expression.
There’s an ok-ish kill or two, and Danielle Harris is fairly decent in the film (especially at such a young age), but that’s really all there is here. Even Donald Pleasance is playing a parody of his former self here. It’s not an absolutely atrocious film, but there’s nothing saving this film from being incredibly forgetful. Evidence: before I re-watched it for this list, I forgot what actually happened in it. Not a clue.
